I was telling my husband yesterday that a year ago was Seraphiel's last ultrasound, and we were told that he has no heartbeat. Yes, today, it has only been a year, but for me, it seems like forever.
Many have shown their compassion to me that day, but it would probably just me who remembers it until now. It is still clear to me; the look on my husband's face, the cry of my mom, the silence of my nephew and cousin. I can still remember how the sky looked on our way home: it was cloudy but the rays of the sun were almost peeking through the clouds. It's as if the heavens were telling me that it is okay to cry and everything will be okay in time. I may lost my child's life, but I gained an Angel.
As I am writing this, I am in front of Seraphiel's picture. He looks so peaceful as he sleeps. He is such a beautiful boy, too beautiful for Earth and perfect for an Angel.
I will light up your candle tonight and pray that someday we will be together.
Son, please watch over Papa and your baby brother/sister. Keep them safe and healthy. I can't wait to tell our new baby about you when he/she is born. I will keep your memory alive until my last breath.
I love you my son.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
An Angel Mom
Yes, I am an Angel Mom. It's not that I chose to be, nor did I wished to be. One day, it just happened. Unlike other girls who dreamt of being famous, of being a beauty queen, a CEO, or anything extraordinary, my dream was to have a family of my own; to have a good husband and have kids. That's why when I learned I was pregnant on October 1, 2012, my husband and I were so happy for being blessed after just 4 months of being married.
Everything was going fine. Until I had dengue fever at almost 7 weeks. It was a hard battle, but I kept my hopes alive and my faith in God as my strength. As each day passed, all I ever prayed was for my baby to be healthy. Until months passed and days passed by quickly. My excitement for my baby's arrival in June was all we ever waited for.
It was a routine check up that fateful day of February 16, 2013, I was almost 6 months pregnant and I will be having an ultrasound to know my baby's gender. My husband and I were very excited. I will be able to focus on baby names. Will I follow my husband's initials or we'll combine mine and his?
But the news came as more of a shock. The doctor can't see the gender because the baby was in breach position, and worst, i have NO amniotic fluid. The baby's size was a month late than normal.
That's when everything turned blurred. Until now, when I recall pieces of that day, It still hurts like it was the first time, probably much worse. Because each time I remember it, everything is somehow much clearer than it used to be.
On March 4, my baby grew his wings. It was a truth that was so hard to accept. Never in my wildest dreams have I dreamt that it will happen to me. It was also the worst birthday of my life. On the 12th, I celebrated my 28th birthday with my baby sleeping, still inside my womb. The next day, I was admitted at the hospital and my baby was born sleeping on March 14, 2013 at 12 noon. He was a beautiful baby boy. He looks like his father. He was the most beautiful angel I have ever seen.
That is how I became an Angel Mom. God chose me and He chose my first born to be one of His Angels. It still hurts, I think I will never get over my son's passing away too soon, but I know he is much happier in Heaven and he is watching over us.
Someday, I will be able to hold you in my arms and kiss you my baby. There will be no more goodbyes. But for now, I will love you and hold you in my heart, my Angel Seraphiel.
Everything was going fine. Until I had dengue fever at almost 7 weeks. It was a hard battle, but I kept my hopes alive and my faith in God as my strength. As each day passed, all I ever prayed was for my baby to be healthy. Until months passed and days passed by quickly. My excitement for my baby's arrival in June was all we ever waited for.
It was a routine check up that fateful day of February 16, 2013, I was almost 6 months pregnant and I will be having an ultrasound to know my baby's gender. My husband and I were very excited. I will be able to focus on baby names. Will I follow my husband's initials or we'll combine mine and his?
But the news came as more of a shock. The doctor can't see the gender because the baby was in breach position, and worst, i have NO amniotic fluid. The baby's size was a month late than normal.
That's when everything turned blurred. Until now, when I recall pieces of that day, It still hurts like it was the first time, probably much worse. Because each time I remember it, everything is somehow much clearer than it used to be.
On March 4, my baby grew his wings. It was a truth that was so hard to accept. Never in my wildest dreams have I dreamt that it will happen to me. It was also the worst birthday of my life. On the 12th, I celebrated my 28th birthday with my baby sleeping, still inside my womb. The next day, I was admitted at the hospital and my baby was born sleeping on March 14, 2013 at 12 noon. He was a beautiful baby boy. He looks like his father. He was the most beautiful angel I have ever seen.
That is how I became an Angel Mom. God chose me and He chose my first born to be one of His Angels. It still hurts, I think I will never get over my son's passing away too soon, but I know he is much happier in Heaven and he is watching over us.
Someday, I will be able to hold you in my arms and kiss you my baby. There will be no more goodbyes. But for now, I will love you and hold you in my heart, my Angel Seraphiel.
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